OK, I know I’ve neglected this blog since last Wednesday, but I was busy making a total ass of myself in Bristol over the race weekend, so I’ll try to fill in the blanks.
Last Thursday morning, I got up at 5:15 a.m. and ran my 15-miler, my longest run before my half. I made a tactical error and decided to run the 10.5-mile loop first, without any fluids. By the time I finished that loop and got a chance to finally drink some Gatorade at the end of my lane, I was toast. (I also didn’t have any kind of energy gels or food.) But I pressed on for the second 4.5-mile loop. The first 2.5 miles were OK, but then I got terrible stitches right under my left collarbone and my right side ribs, probably due to dehydration. The last two miles were slow and painful, but I learned my lesson (don’t wait until mile 10 of a 15-mile run to drink anything) and got in my 15 miles.
No more time to think about running, we’re going to Bristol! Clark and I met Ben, Molly and Mike, and Ben’s aunt Jan and uncle Dave in Preston and were on the road for the roughly nine-hour trip around 11 a.m. in Jan and Dave’s RV.
The ride down was uneventful. We got to the campsite around 8 p.m. and got to work setting up the RV, getting the grill going and making the first small dent in the keg. I went to bed around midnight, but Clark and Mike held out until 3 a.m.
Friday morning, we started back in on the keg at 10:30 a.m. and headed to the track, about a mile from our campsite. Other than a brief glimpse of the track on the way in the night before, this was our first real look at Bristol Motor Speedway.
We walked around the souvenir haulers and the sponsor booths. For some reason, it’s a tradition among NASCAR fans to sexually harrass life-size or larger images of NASCAR personalities.
Ben gets close to Miss Sprint Cup...
...while Clark gives Mark Martin a friendly tweak o' the nipple.
Here’s our entire group in front of the Bristol Motor Speedway marquee — how did it know we were race fans?
From left, Aunt Jan, Uncle Dave, Clark, me, Ben, Molly and Mike.
As most NASCAR fans know, most of the sport’s early drivers honed their driving skills running illegal moonshine on backroads down south. One of the most famous was Junior Johnson, who spent time in jail thanks to his moonshine, and then went on to be a successful driver and, later, car owner. Well, now his moonshine operation is legal and charging ridiculous fees for either sweet tea or lemonade with a shot of his “moonshine” (it’s vodka.)
So naturally, we had to pay $10 each for a drink.
Ben got the sweet tea and I got the lemonade, which each came in a souvenir plastic Mason jar for added authenticity. Everyone agreed we couldn’t taste the vodka, which either meant there was hardly any in there, or it was really good vodka.
This is important later.
We’d bought what we wanted, gathered all the free sponsor giveaways and had had enough of the heat, so we headed back to the campsite for a few hours before it was time for the Nationwide race. More drinking ensued.
This is when my memory starts getting fuzzy. I’d been drinking since 10:30 a.m., I’d mixed vodka with beer and my lunch had only consisted of chips and French onion dip, so I was a little tipsy. OK, I was drunk.
On the walk to the track, I bonged a beer. It was just a Bud Select 55, but obviously it went down really fast. Once at the track, Clark bought me another moonshine lemonade and convinced the kid at the booth to put two shots in it instead of just one.
By the time the race started, I was three sheets to the wind. Our first look at the view from our seats got the obligatory two drunk thumbs up:
One drunk thumb up from Clark...
...and one from me. And disregard the Chevy hat; that was the closest thing to a Bobby Labonte hat I could find!
About five laps into the race, Clark and I went to finally get something to eat. It was too late for me, though. After we ate subs, he went to the bathroom, and in my drunken state, I got confused and thought he, and everyone else, had left the track. So I somehow stumbled my way back to the campsite, which was amazing since part of that walk involved crossing a four-lane highway with no traffic lights or crosswalks.
Now, when I took off, I only had my camera and Aunt Jan’s headset. I had left my phone and my wallet in the cooler in the stands. So when Clark couldn’t find me, and no women could find me in any of the women’s bathrooms, and he couldn’t call me because I didn’t have a phone, he was in the process of getting track security to launch a full-scale search for me.
By that time, I had made it back to the campsite and gotten even more confused when the RV was empty. Where the hell was everyone? Somehow, the owners of the campsite found me, and I explained what was going on. They lent me a cell phone to call Clark, just as that search was about to commence (how I remembered his cell phone number, I’ll never know.) He ran back to the campsite to get me.
Remember how I had my camera with me? Turns out someone got some pictures of my rescuers:
I have no idea who you people are, but thanks!
These same people also found Clark’s wallet when he dropped it in the campsite the next evening on our way to the track for the Cup race, and got it returned to him. If you’re ever camping at Bristol, make sure to set up in Bos Campgrounds. It’s a bit of a hike to the track, but the service really goes above and beyond!
So I was found and everyone felt a lot better. Turns out Kyle Busch won the Nationwide race, so I really didn’t miss anything (though Kasey Kahne had a pretty cool wreck.)
However, I had lost the borrowed headset, which I replaced the next day.
Saturday morning, I woke up around 6:45 a.m. and headed out for a run to sweat out my hangover. The only area I knew was the track, so I ran to and around it, probably about four miles altogether. I actually didn’t feel too shitty anymore when I got back.
It rained that afternoon. Since I had made a decision to hold off on drinking until much later in the day because I really wanted to actually remember the Cup race, it was kinda boring. The rain finally stopped about 3:30 p.m., and it was time to hit the keg again. The skies cleared and everyone was in a really good mood. We grilled some dinner and shot the breeze before it was time to head back to the track.
Ben, you can try to cozy up to Bobby...
...but he really only has eyes for his No. 1 fan, haha! (Ignore his small, girly hands.)
Clark, Ben, Molly and Mike perform a group fist explosion.
Time to head back to the track. This time there was no moonshine and no beer bongs. I was feeling good about my chances for actually remembering this thing.
In our seats, I finally got to appreciate just how freaking huge this track is. It’s only a half mile long, but the enormous walls of people completely surrounding the track are truly amazing.
Our seats were in Turn 2. This is looking down the back stretch.
And this is looking over toward the front stretch.
Vertical look at the view of the back stretch.
- Mike, Molly and Ben before the race started (Clark had left to find his missing wallet.)
OK, so how was the race? Well, Bobby stunk it up and finished 38th, which sucked, and Kyle Busch won, which was only cool because I watched all the pissed off Earnhardt Jr. fans give him both middle fingers when he did his victory lap. But I got to see this:
If you squint, you'll see a car headed the wrong direction down in Turn 3. That's Jimmie Johnson! That was pretty sweet.
I really, really loved the Bristol night race. I have wanted to go to this race since I was probably 10 years old, and it actually lived up to my expectations. I can’t really describe why it was so cool. It’s just something you have to see for yourself.
One last parting shot:
This pretty much sums up the weekend.
We got back to the campsite and turned in. About 3:30 a.m., I was woken up by a thunderstorm and suddenly realized I had left my camera, cell phone and wallet in my cooler… outside. I looked out the door, and sure enough, there they were, getting drenched. I ran outside to get them and almost crapped myself thanks to one of the loudest claps of thunder I have ever heard.
The next morning, we packed up the soggy campsite and were on the road around 9 a.m. After a two-hour breakfast at Cracker Barrel and a GPS malfunction, we made it home around 8 p.m. I have never been so happy to see flat land.
This morning, I did some weight training, the 100 push-up challenge workout I missed Friday and took my new trainers out for their maiden voyage, a 3-mile easy run. I have the Annapolis 10-Mile Run this Sunday and the half marathon a week after that, so it’s time to work all of that junk food and beer out of my system and get back into training.